Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Stand Up For Your Hate Rights? Right!

Welcome back to ‘Hate Your Way To Happiness’. It feels like forever, doesn’t it? Yes!

Recently we’ve been talking about Pone Socergy, but so far we’ve only really thought about using it in its so-called ‘Infant Stage’. I called it that myself.

What I’m doing now is writing about how you can advance from that stage, and start to use Pone Socergy to target specific ‘Aggressor Victims’. This is the ‘Post-Infant Stage’. It’s called that for a reason!

The key here is to seek out those who may have done you a ‘wrong’ in the past. You’ll need to use your memory here.

As an example, let’s imagine you have a memory from back in your school days. Let’s say the memory involves you and some friends going camping. It seems like a fun idea, doesn’t it? You’ve bought some booze and other camping supplies, and because your ex-girlfriend is amongst those in the party, you plucked up the courage to buy some condoms as well.

Hey, it never hurts to hope, does it? [Note: Yes.] After all, the only reason you broke up was because she wanted to concentrate on studying. This could be your weekend!

Now, let’s imagine that everything’s going just swell. Everyone’s pretty drunk, there’s an air of exuberance about, and you and a pal have gone off in the dark to collect some more firewood. That’s called community spirit! Task accomplished, you head back to camp – only to discover that nobody’s around. On closer inspection, you realise that there are people around – two of them. There’s a good friend of yours, handsome, charming, eyes closed in concentration, sitting on the bonnet of a car. It’s interesting that he is wearing nothing from the waist down.

Also interesting is the fact that your ex-girlfriend is sucking enthusiastically on his erect penis.

Taking all of this in, you decide that the only reasonable course of action is to throw a tantrum and storm off into the darkness. Well within your rights, you would imagine. In fact, TOTALLY NORMAL behaviour in this particular context.

Of course, over the next few hours ALL of the attention is taken from your awful plight, and focused instead on your stupid fellatio-receiving buddy and the leg he has broken while searching for you with the others.

Now HE is the one everybody is concerned about. HE is the one you have to rush to hospital and sympathise over, while your unused condoms move inexorably towards their expiration date. It’s HIM they all refer to when you start screaming in the hospital emergency room about your so-called ‘friends’ and their lack of concern for you. And, ultimately, it’s HIM who causes hospital security staff to throw you bodily, humiliatingly, out of the hospital and into the car park, alone.

And it’s these ‘friends’ who show their true colours when they REFUSE to allow you to join them on their next camping trip.

What a BUNCH of CUNTS.

So, if you can use your memory to come up with a painful remembrance like this HYPOTHETICAL scenario, next time we can look at how Pone Socergy can best help you.

So get your thinking hats on! [Note: If you have no such hat, thinking gloves or trousers are also acceptable.]

It’s a hate thing!

Anthony

Monday, August 21, 2006

The hate that dare not speak its name!

Yo! Wassup wit’yo hateful self?

That was an example of ‘patois’. Feel free to try it yourself someday!

This week, as promised, we’re discussing PS AnalEx- the Pone Socergy Analysis Exercise. This is a slightly more advanced step in the programme, a little more difficult than Resentment Fertilisation – but it’s really just a continuation of the same process.

In fact, the whole PS AnalEx thing is incredibly SIMPLE – but there’s no shame in acknowledging your own inadequacy when you realise there is NO WAY you could have come up with such a startling concept yourself. Almost all of the greatest thinkers in the history of humanity have failed to discover the AWESOME POWER of the ‘Hate Your Way To Happiness’ method, so you’re in pretty esteemed company. After all, if ignorance was a crime, we’d all be guilty, right? Right!

The crucial thing to remember is that no matter how daunting indulging in PS AnalEx for the first time might seem, you are not alone. [In reality, this may be untrue.]

Remember the way we Fertilised our Resentment by thinking about real and potential annoyances concerning the person/issue who was the target of our Pone Socergy? Well, PS AnalEx is simply the practical application of these silent bilebombs, and as such, is aided immeasurably by exposing yourself.

To women’s magazines, that is! [Displaying your genitalia to strangers falls outside of the remit of this programme.]

If you haven’t seen one before, women’s magazines are ‘the hater’s best friend’. They’re FANTASTIC! What they offer is a masterclass in practically applied sneering and derision. You know the way that you mentally draw a ‘circle of shame’ around the least appealing part of a celebrity’s body when you see them? These tremendous publications help you out by POINTING OUT FLAWS on your behalf!

What’s more, these flaws are usually the most fashionable and hip of social crimes, so you’ll know what’s considered unacceptable in the trendiest of cliques. And if it’s unacceptable to them, you KNOW it’s unacceptable to the bottom-feeding scum you like to hang around with! (Present company excluded.)

At the time of writing, WRINKLED KNUCKLES mark you out as one of the most idiotic, socially retarded, unfashionable fuckwits around. Get involved in some cosmetic finger ironing, you MORON!

So here’s how PS AnalEx works: browse through as many women’s magazines as you can, to get a taste of what the hip people are being ashamed of these days. Then read some online discussion groups to find out what you should be thinking. (Do not worry if there are major inconsistencies in the logic of these arguments – you’re not looking for the truth, just a means to appear more ‘with it’ than the object of your hatred.)

Next, make a list. Not just any old list, though, stupid – that would be dumb and counterproductive. Make a list of any of these flaws - physical, mental or habitual – that you think could be applied to your foe.

Call any of their friends that you can stand to talk to, and organise to meet for a chat, or whatever the fuck your sort does. Whilst chatting, discuss celebrities and current events, using your new found knowledge rather than your own insipid opinions. This is IMPORTANT. Subtly introduce the object of your Pone Socergy into the conversation, perhaps by suggesting that they have the wrinkliest knuckles you have ever seen. As a general rule, people like to hate each other, so you don’t have to feel like you’re alone in thinking this.

Pretty soon, every one will be talking and laughing about the revolting state of your foe’s knuckles!

Crucially, though, you need to make it obvious to these goons that you ‘feel sorry’ for this person’s affliction. Here are some phrases you can use:

“Maybe his gloves are broken?”

“It’s not really that important, it’s just that people are SO focused on knuckles these days…”

“He hardly ever points at things anyway.”

“Fists. That’s all I’m saying.”

“I would happily cut his hands off for him.”

Soon enough, your stupidly-knuckled enemy will be feeling self-conscious, uncomfortable and vulnerable.

You’ve had a SMALL, SILENT VICTORY!

…And that’s when the hating can really begin!

Until next time - maintain the hate

Anthony

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Midweek bonus!

Unexpected greetings!
This 'midweek bonus' is nothing more than a marketing ploy, so if you're offended by that sort of thing, stop reading now.
Also, I hate you.

For everyone else, there is this.
Up here at HYWTH Towers, we are considering offering for sale hand-painted 'Hate Your Way To Happiness' t-shirts. These low-quality garments will only go into 'production' if there is enough interest to justify us putting any effort into it.

So - if you fancy your very own shirt with the words 'Hate Your Way To Happiness!' written on it, let me know. Send me an email, or leave a comment at http://www.hateyourwaytohappiness.blogspot.com/.
It's the future of fashion, or some kind of low-quality equivalent thereof.

Yours in hate

Anthony

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Sea of Hate!

Hello again, you bastards! [I am kidding.]

If you have any kind of memory whatsoever, you’ll recall that last time we were talking about Socergy, the phenomenon of ‘Social Energy’ that exists, no matter what any pointy-faced academic do-gooder would have you believe.

The thing is that in and of itself, Socergy can be at best invigorating, and at worst personally destructive (see ‘Spontaneous Human Combustion’, mentioned last week).

The problem is that most idiots simply spray their Socergy around like the urine of a drunken Scotsman. In the 21st century, where even the most dickheaded of fuck-knuckles are aware of the importance of recycling, this is the equivalent of burning 400 acres of Amazonian rainforest a second while employing an army of coal powered robots to wrap the entirety of Tokyo in plastic cling film TWICE.

In other words, it’s wasteful. And it is also STUPID.

How MORONIC would you have to be to throw away the potential AWESOME POWER of Positive Negative Socergy? The answer is very. [Note: You may also be ignorant.]

As you might have guessed, the secret of Positive Negative Social Energy, or Pone Socergy, is focus. The real power of hate is only really truly effective when it filters out the extraneous and is focused on the individual or issue at hand.

Unfortunately, this means that in order to ‘Hate Your Way To Happiness’ you are going to have to think a little. This thinking is known as the Pone Socergy Analysis Exercise, or PS AnalEx.

An effective means of engaging in PS AnalEx, and thus Pone Socergy, is through the process of Resentment Fertilisation. RF can best be achieved at a distance from the target of your hatred. Therefore, if you are at a party, as in our earlier example, the best course of action is to storm noisily away from the gathering and return to your home, where your Resentment can best be Fertilised.

As you might expect of a ‘home grown’ hatred solution, Resentment Fertilisation works best in a cool, dark room. This may last days, weeks, or even months. The secret is in never allowing the mind to wander too far away from the object of your derision.

For instance, if you are thinking of eating some food, consider the individual who is the target of your RF. Think about the hideous way they are likely to eat their dinner. They probably bang their fork against their teeth, or allow small pieces of lasagne to fall from their mouth to their plate. Consider them wiping their mouth with the back of their hand. Obsess over the way they hold their cutlery in a slightly unconventional fashion.

If you have any evidence that this is true, you are at an advantage. However, potential annoyances can be just as effective in fertilising resentment as genuine ones, if you maintain your focus.

Continue to nurture your resentment by applying this technique to all of your day to day thoughts and ideas. A fun exercise can be to build a life-sized piñata/effigy of your enemy, then invite local children to demolish it. You can fill it with sweet treats for the children if you so desire, but I find that often the most satisfying option is to use blood. [Ask at your local butcher or blood bank.] This may surprise the youngsters, but it will also teach them a valuable lesson about considering the consequences of their actions. Their screams will add authenticity to your video footage of the symbolic party slaughter.

Once you have reached this level - once your resentment has fully grown and matured - you’re ready to get down and dirty with some PS AnalEx.

And that’s what we’ll be looking at next week!

Until then - keep that hate on your plate!

Anthony



[Key phrases this week:
Socergy
Pone Socergy
PS AnalEx
Resentment Fertilisation]

Monday, August 07, 2006

Socergy!

Oh, hello again! It’s me, Anthony. How are you? Good.

You know, a lot of people say to me, Anthony, I can see how this ‘Hate Your Way To Happiness’ thing works in a real life, practical and useful sense – but do you have any THEORY to back it up?

The answer is ‘yes’. But sometimes I don’t tell them that. I simply smile enigmatically, for a very, very long time. That way they think I’m hiding something, and I hate them for thinking that.

I’m NOTHING if not transparent. But am I SOMETHING if I am transparent? This is one of life’s questions.

OK, let’s get down to the brass knuckles of HYWTH theory.

Social Energy

This is a theory I have come up with all by myself. Many scientists and experts rely on research and study of other peoples’ work to invent their theories, but I think of this approach as CHEATING.

Consider this scenario. You walk into a social gathering. This could be a party, a memorial service, or even an event. Before anyone has said a word, you spot a fellow human being, without any pause for thought, you realise that you hate them.

Now, I’m not talking about someone you recognise – not an ex-partner, or a sporting rival, or your former high school principal Kevin Tutt. You may well hate these people, but they’re not the ones I’m concerned with. For now.

No, I’m talking about a complete stranger. We’ve all done it. If you haven’t, you’re lying, and I hate you. There might be something about their appearance or mannerisms that annoys you, but if you had to justify your complete and utter hatred for them in words, you’d be stumped.

This is because what you are experiencing is the undeniable proof of the existence of Social Energy, or Socergy.

Socergy is a mysterious but real phenomenon. It can’t be explained away with logic, like many other things. Facts don’t support it, but it is the truth. If you’re a fan of the Bible, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Socergy is a natural force that is present whenever two or more human persons gather. It can take the form of sexual lust – ‘love at first sight’ – or, more commonly, it is composed of hatred and bile.

The reason Socergy is so pervasive is because it is self-generating. Its power comes from the mucous and acid in our stomachs, and unless it is directed outwards, it can cause a person to LITERALLY explode. Scientists call this ‘spontaneous human combustion’, and those idiots are baffled by it.

But there’s no reason for bafflement, because I have just explained it to you.

So don’t be ashamed. These feelings are natural. But make sure you keep reading, or you may never learn the secrets of harnessing Socergy to your own ends, and unleashing its AWESOME POWER to bring you success, and – yes – HAPPINESS.

Remember, hate is all around you.

Anthony