All aboard the 'Happy' train!

Since the inception of this exciting and informative service, we’ve spent a lot of time concentrating on the ‘Hate’ side of ‘Hate Your Way to Happiness’, and very little on the ‘Happiness’ side.

Well [can you guess what’s coming?] that’s all about to change!

What’s happiness, anyway? And why are we always trying so damn hard to have it? It’s a question that’s troubled the minds of lots of people over a significant period of time. Do you know what the one thing they had in common was? That’s right. They were all miserable bastards.

The thing is, happiness is different for different people.

For some, happiness is the contentment of growing old with a partner, sitting together in comfortable chairs and farting without fear of recrimination, and waiting to die. Some people might say this is a ‘boring’ and ‘stupid’ definition of happiness, but here at HYWTH we make it a policy never to sit in judgement of those idiots.

Others define happiness in simplistic, childlike, even slightly retarded terms. These are the people who define happiness as a series of fleeting images. Chief amongst these is the notion that happiness can somehow be found ‘in the smiling face of a child’.

There are numerous reasons why this is wrong. For instance, the smiling face of a child is usually covered in foodstuffs, snot, or dirt. This is REVOLTING. It is only the parents of these children who really believe that there is anything ‘happy’ to be found in this situation, and what they are actually doing is congratulating themselves on producing something that works, and can presumably be cleaned. For the rest of us, it’s simply NAUSEATING.

Also, consider what is likely to have provoked this child’s smile. In all probability, it is likely to have been an animal defecating or rutting, or an overgrown pervert in a bear costume falling to the ground. It may be the warmth of the child’s own urine-soaked undergarments, or the ‘antics’ of ‘comedian’ Adam Sandler. In any case, it is unlikely that the cause of the child’s smiling face is anything of a sophisticated or intelligent nature. After all, children are not smart. In fact, they are almost unbelievably stupid. The smile on a child’s face is likely to have been provoked by all that is DISGUSTING, UNSIGHTLY, and WRONG with the world.

This same ‘fleeting images’ school would have us believe that happiness is to be found in such moronic notions as ‘a warm piece of buttered toast on a cold winter’s morning’; ‘the first rays of sunshine after a shower’; ‘an antelope gambolling in a suburban car park’; or ‘the brief sensation of ecstatic guilt after a nun has sat naked in your lap’.

These are all images or sensations that may amuse briefly – and they may serve as some form of anaesthetic to the hideous drudgery of day to day living in the form of pleasant memories.

But ultimately they do not provide happiness. Lasting happiness, as we all know, can only really be achieved through the knowledge that you have bettered those that have done you wrong, that you have exacted the requisite amount of revenge, and that there others out there who feel much worse than you do about themselves.

So let’s get HAPPY!

Hate around the clock

Anthony