Monday, July 31, 2006

A case study!

Hey – here’s a case study!

Travis, a young man, recently contacted me to let me know just HOW MUCH the Hate Your Way To Happiness programme had helped him and his miserable existence.
Travis is his REAL NAME – he’s not ashamed! This is what he said:

“Dear Anthony

Thanks so much for introducing me to HYWTH! It has changed my life, and for the better, which is a real bonus.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a genuine 27-year-old male person. I like many of the things other genuine 27-year-old males like, such as females aged 18-35, sports, television, good food, and socialising. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Right!

Except.

Yeah, except. Except for the fact that I had an enormous black hole at the core of my being, filled with nothing but pure, undiluted disappointment.
It was a hole that threatened to dwarf my entire body. That’s how big it was! (Note: I am of above average height.)

No matter what I did, it seemed nothing could fill this gaping chasm/yawning void. And believe me, I tried a lot of things. Here is a list of some of them:

1. Yoga
2. ‘Extreme’ sports
3. Sexual orgies
4. Non-sexual orgies
5. Buddhism
6. Social work
7. Self esteem ‘gymnastics’
8. Hypnotism
9. Learning a musical instrument
10. Christianity
11. Satanism
12. Martial arts
13. Marital arts
14. Art
15. Numerous dodgy ‘popular’ self-help courses

These are just 15 of the things I tried. There are others, also! (Contact me for a full list.)

Needless to say, they were all utterly useless. I’d almost given up hope, when a friend* suggested I try to ‘Hate my Way To Happiness’!

Initially, I was sceptical. Hey, who wouldn’t have misgivings about a programme that is so radical, so revolutionary, that it has been mocked, derided and discredited by the great majority of so-called experts in psychology and personal well being around the world?

But then I thought, hey, what the fuck do those fucking quack bastards know anyway?

So I gave it a shot. And even after simply taking the first step – acknowledging my own self-hatred and burying it deep within me – a profound change had taken place.

I realised that the cause of the black hole engulfing my above average height frame/soul was optimism. Optimism, ambition, and high expectations.

Those cancerous feelings were eating away at my metaphorical guts – and I realised that if I filled that space up with hate, I need never be disappointed again! I could apportion blame at will, transferring my feelings outwards, onto external sources!

Now, I never expect a result to fall my way. Why would it? The people and organisations out there that hate me, just as I hate them, are conspiring against me. It’s a weird feeling of release that I can only compare to that peculiar mindset most people associate with English sports fans. And do you know something?

It liberated me!

So thank you, Anthony. Thank you from the bottom of my hate-filled heart. You have changed my life (for the better, as previously noted).

Yours in hate

Trevor (27)

PS. Please feel free to use this personal correspondence for promotional purposes as you see fit.”


So there you have it – it worked for Trevor, and it could work for you too!

Keep the hate alive

Anthony

3 Comments:

At 1/8/06 12:55 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Anthony,
Thanks for the blog and the advice.
I found it riveting and fleshy. Like guava masticated and drip juicy dribble down my chiny chin chin.
You see!
Your advice has helped me already.
I'm freeing up my prose.
Hose clothes sachemos.
(and my rhyme has improved obviously).
All I needed to do was look at myself through my eyelids drooping and focus on me.
ME.
I really hate me.
I hate me more than I hate Jorge Luis Borges!
More than I hate Umberto and Don Delillo zipped up in a sleeping bag and rolling on top of me, humping and laughing and making mean little jokes about Ted Hughes and gas ovens (mockingly)(!).
I think I can start writing again.
Which is great news.
and the

 
At 1/8/06 2:27 pm, Blogger Anthony said...

Hi Salman

Lots of people hate you. Keep up the good work!

 
At 2/8/06 4:39 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also hate ME!
And I'm no fan man of Salman (although his rhyming is rubbing off on me).
What a revelation AND a revolution (a rolavationution!)
People would see me on the subway and I'd hear them muttering, "he's unafraid to show his traumatized characters' constant groping for emotional catharsis".
And I used to have a little cry.
Now I just go home and take my pants off in front of the mirror and HATE myself.
I am only 12 or something.
You are a genius.

 

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